Should You Really Cut All Ties to Friends and Family Who Voted For Donald Trump?

Here's my opinion about this

Since Election Day there have been antedoctal stories of people cutting themselves off from relatives and friends because they voted for Donald Trump in the recent election. Here's a video about women who have ditched their husbands and boyfriends because they voted for Trump.

I have a friend who's throwing a Yule party later this month just a few days after Christmas. She recently posted on Facebook asking anyone who supports Trump to not attend her party. That's because she has a middle school age child who has come out as a transgender boy and she and the boy's father have been giving their child gender-affirming care. (Which, contrary to what the MAGA Republicans frequently spew, does NOT include undergoing a sex change operation. This kid will not even be eligible for surgery until after the age of 18 and even then the kid would have to go through a few more years of adult therapy before making the final decision on whether to go under the knife.) Donald Trump has a history of hostility towards the transgender community, such as banning trans people from serving in the military and frequently spewing the ridiculous story in his speeches about kids being sent to elementary school as one gender, undergoing sex change operations while at school, then coming home to their parents as another gender.

The breakups of relationships over who voted for who on Election Day is a real thing. This video from a crying distraught woman whose family has decided to cut her off after she told them that she voted for Trump went viral recently. (The original video has since been deleted but, as the saying goes, the internet is forever.)

Even I was briefly touched by that issue. Here's some background. I was born in Baltimore and I lived there for the first few years of my life. My family moved to Glen Burnie (which is located just a few miles south of Baltimore) when I was five and I attended public schools where I was constantly ostracized by the other kids as being “retarded.” (Never mind the fact that I have never flunked a grade, I managed to graduate from high school, and I have a college degree.) Here I was a white kid attending a mostly white school and I was getting treated by the other white students the same way that they treated the African American students. (Yes, I heard the white kids use the N word too many times to count.) The ostracism even carried over into high school and I was dateless because the boys refused to consider me as anything other than retarded. (That was why I missed out on attending both my junior and senior proms—no one asked me out.) It was so bad that I permanently left Glen Burnie as soon as I could after high school graduation.

Among the many kids who were nasty towards me was this boy who constantly taunted me and made my life miserable. Even in high school he looked down on me like I was inferior. This week I got a Facebook friend request from that same guy. I couldn't understand why he wanted to friend me when he treated me like I was garbage in the past. I scrolled down his profile where I saw that he still lives in Glen Burnie while I have long since left that town. I also saw that he is a major Donald Trump supporter who posts pro-MAGA memes just to “own the libs.” Here's one example that he actually posted on his own Facebook page.

I deleted his friend request. Between my memories of when my former classmate treated me like garbage and his support of Donald Trump, I had no hesitation in deciding against accepting him as my Facebook friend.

It's one thing to have a difference of political opinion with someone else. Over the years I've had a variety of friends, acquaintances, and coworkers who voted for Republicans, Democrats, and even various third party candidates. I was able to overlook who they voted for because I never saw their votes as a vote against democracy and for fascism. They also didn't act obnoxious about their vote nor did they constantly talk about the candidate whom they voted for.

But supporting and voting for Donald Trump is different because it's something else to support someone who attempted the violent overthrow of the US government on January 6, 2021, who has a history of hostility towards transgender people (in addition to my friend with the trans adolescent, I have friends who are either trans themselves or who have trans relatives), who has been judged to be a rapist in a court of law, who has expressed pride in appointing the Supreme Court justices who overturned Roe vs. Wade (which originally legalized abortion), who has talked about ruling as a dictator on Day 1, and is a convicted felon.

I could forgive someone for voting for Trump in 2016 because that person wasn't informed or was totally naive about what kind of person Trump really is, especially if that person didn't come from New York or New Jersey. But I question those who voted for Trump in 2020 despite the fact that he mishandled the COVID-19 pandemic so much that over a million Americans died. And if these people voted again for Trump this year despite his attempt to violently overthrow the US government on January 6, 2021 and his threats to rule as a dictator on Day 1, then I have no other choice but to conclude that they are anti-American who hate everything that is enshrined in the US Constitution, including democracy and equal rights for all. So it's obvious that my onetime classmate loves Trump more than he loves the Constitution, which is the source of what made America great to begin with.

Then there's Donald Trump's close relationship with Vladimir Putin. Both my onetime classmate and myself grew up at a time when the Cold War was still in full swing. The Soviets were considered to be a threat to the American way of life as well as a worldwide threat. We both grew up at a time when half of Europe was located behind the Iron Curtain with the communist goverments being actively propped up by the Soviet Union. We were very young children when the USSR invaded Czechoslovakia in 1968 and high school students when the USSR invaded Afghanistan in 1979. Most Americans condemned both invasions, especially conservative Republicans.

Now that Russia has invaded Ukraine these same conservative Republicans think that it's okay because Russia is no longer a communist country and Donald Trump is on Vladimir Putin's side. I wouldn't be surprised if my former classmate is sympathetic with Vladimir Putin because Donald Trump is allied with him. It's so ironic to see conservatives who used to be against the Soviets invading other countries now being okay with Russia invading other countries.

Given my former classmate's past interactions with me, I'm also not surprised that he would side with someone who has a reputation for being a bully like Trump. Birds of a feather flock together. But, as former Representative Adam Kinzinger points out, bullies don't lead from strength. They try to lead by projecting fear on to others. But, at their core, bullies are really cowards because they rely on using fear and insults in order to get their underlings to obey them. Here is a direct quote from Kinzinger:

You see, Trump depends on fear. He builds his whole image around being "strong," "tough," a supposed champion of the "common man." But strength doesn’t come from endless bullying, degrading insults, or an ability to throw temper tantrums every time he doesn’t get his way. That’s not strength; it’s weakness. Real strength means standing up for the truth even when it's hard, even when it costs you. Trump has never had the courage to do that. I have.

So my former classmate supports a bully who's really a coward, which says a lot about my former classmate and it is definitely not positive.

Knowing my former classmate like I did, I wouldn't be surprised if he loved that time back in 2016 when then-Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gave a campaign speech where he made fun of a disabled New York Times reporter because it probably gave my former classmate fond memories of the years when he taunted me in school.

It's still a mystery why that incident didn't end Trump's political career. If it had been any other politician—both Democrat and Republican—the media would've hounded that person for weeks until the person dropped out of the race, that politician's public appearances would've been the subject of pickets and protests until the person left the race, and that politician’s career would've been permanently ended. Since it's Donald Trump he was allowed to get away with doing this just like he has gotten away with many other things over the years that would have landed anyone else in jail.

Donald Trump still looks down on people who aren't 100 percent healthy. Trump's nephew, Fred Trump III, said that his uncle once told him that he should just let his own disabled son (and Donald's grandnephew) die.

I don't feel sad or upset that I decided against friending my former classmate on Facebook because he was one of the kids who made my life such a living hell at school that I'm better off without reconnecting with him. I'm also lucky in that most of my current friends didn't vote for Donald Trump and they are all dreading the day that Inauguration Day arrives next month.

If you are someone who voted for Kamala Harris but have friends or relatives who voted for Donald Trump, should you maintain a relationship with them? I think it depends on your situation. If you can stomach being around that person and you can avoid talking about politics with the other person then you can give it a try. If, on the other hand, this person can't stop talking about Trump or frequently wears the red Make America Great Again hat or other types of Trump clothing (such as t-shirts) then you may have to go no contact with that person for the sake of your sanity. This also includes parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, your nextdoor neighbor, and your best friend from childhood. Going no contact with someone whom you were once close to is sad but it may be necessary for the sake of your own mental health.

For some inspiration on dealing with the Trump voter(s) in your life, I highly recommend Mersault's Substack post titled An Open Letter to My Gloating MAGA Neighbor.

UPDATE (March 9, 2025): Since I wrote this piece, I've changed my mind about still being able to remain friends with a Trump supporter as long as you agree not to discuss politics. With the way that MAGA has grown into a cult, I've come to the conclusion that it's now impossible to remain friends with a hardcore Trump supporter, especially given Trump's drift into authoritarian fascism and his siding with Russia in its ongoing invasion of Ukraine. I would now advise people to drop their Trump supporting friends. I came to that conclusion after I dropped a longtime friend over her support of Trump and I used it as the basis for my latest Self-Care Sunday post.

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