(Graphic courtesy of Classroon Clipart.)
This is the latest in my series on the importance to engage in some self-care in order to help you deal better with the fight against worldwide authoritarianism and fascism.
A few years ago there was a cartoon series called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was based on the My Little Pony toy line that was put out by Hasbro and that series was originally targeted at children under eight. The big surprise is that this series gained an audience of young college-age men and women and it became a big phenomenon that was spread mainly through word of mouth. In fact, adult male fans of the show started to call themselves “brony.”
The main reason why that series resonated with so many people is that the episodes were a series of morality plays that taught the value of having friends. Each episode dealt with a different aspect of friendship, including ones on how to deal with bullies and how to be there to help a friend who is going through a difficult time.
Last week I attended an art reception for a friend who had curated an entire art exhibition featuring art made by local artists that ties in with the fact that February is Black History Month. As I attended that reception and got the chance to speak with friends, some of whom I haven't seen in person in quite a long while, I realized that stepping away from online social media and making an effort to meet and socialize with friends and family in real life is the ultimate in self-care. Not only will your life be enriched by real-life encounters but you might make a difference in that person's life as well, especially if that person had been struggling with health issues or financial problems or some other personal problem that has negatively impacted that person's life.
So how do you reach out to your friends and relatives in real life, especially if you haven't been much of a social butterfly lately? The easiest way is to attend any public event that your friends/relatives are also attending. It's an easier alternative to inviting that person to your place because you won't have to deal with the stress of tidying your home and buying food and drinks. If you know an artist, then you can do what I did and attend that person's artist reception. Do you have a friend whose daughter is playing Dorothy in an upcoming local elementary school production of The Wizard of Oz? Attend the show then meet your friend and daughter backstage after the show to congratulate them both. Do you have a friend who is a crafter who sells his/her handmade wares at local area craft shows and street festivals? Attend that event, walk past your friend's vending booth and say “Hi!”
Another thing you can do is to contact someone whom you haven't seen in a while. You can send an email, a text message, or even call that person. That contact could lead to a renewal of your relationship and you may end up getting together in real life to do some fun activity like going to a movie or a local museum or eating at this new interesting restaurant that had just opened less than a month ago.
It’s very important that you don’t force that person to speak to you. If you try to contact that person and it was unsuccessful, wait a week or two and try again. If you’re still unsuccessful after a few tries, then move on. It's possible that that person is dealing with something personal that's too overwhelming right now and that person just can't take on renewing a friendship at that moment. In that situation I would suggest waiting about three to six months before trying again.
In your quest to live a life full of friends, here are a few obstacles you may encounter and how to deal with them.
Person is a Supporter of Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Other Authoritarian Leaders
While trying to reconnect with relatives and old friends you might discover that this person had voted for Donald Trump in the last election or that person is a major fan of Vladimir Putin or Viktor Orbán or Kim Jong Un or some other authoritarian dictator. Is that relationship even salvageable? It depends.
If the person flies Trump flags outside of his/her/their home or frequently wears the red hat that says “Make America Great Again” or wears Vladimir Putin t-shirts, you should avoid that person at all costs for the sake of your own mental health.
But if that person's level of support is limited to just voting for that person but isn't constantly talking about how great that person is, that friendship can be salvageable. First, try to remember what drew you to that person in the first place. Are you both gardening enthusiasts? Did you meet at a local book discussion group that was focused on literary works by a certain author or certain genre? Or did you two become friends in high school because you both performed on the same cheerleading squad?
If it's something that's apolitical, you can still salvage that friendship. Just try to have the two of you agree not to talk about politics for the rest of the year (or until after the US election is held in November). If you can do that, then the friendship can be saved. On the other hand, if your friend can't stop talking about Donald Trump every time the two of you get together, despite you asking that person to not discuss him, you may have to distance yourself from that person for the sake of your own mental health.
You Don't Have Many Friends and Meeting New People is a Challenge
You might be in a situation where you don't have many friends at the moment. It could be due to the fact that you recently moved to a new area. Or you have had a number of longtime friends either move elsewhere or simply died over the past few years. Or nearly all of your friends came from your job and you've recently gotten laid off. Or you lost friends because they became fanatical Donald Trump supporters. Yes, it can be harder to meet new people once you leave school. But it's not impossible. Here are some ways that you can meet new people.
Join a house of worship. For many generations it has been the best way for adults to meet each other. Not only are there the weekly masses/services but many houses of worship also host social gatherings like dances or potluck dinners or Bible study groups or spirituality circles. Many of these houses of worship also go into the local community where they do things like teach English to recent immigrants, provide free food to low-income people, and host 12-step meetings helping people with overcoming their personal demons. If you were raised in a faith but haven't been practicing in a number of years, you might want to check out attending a service to reconnect with your past. If you would prefer not to reconnect with your childhood faith or you weren't raised in any religious tradition but are open to the idea of attending a house of worship, then check out Beliefnet's Belief-O-Matic. It's an online quiz where you answer 20 questions about where you personally stand on certain spiritual issues. The Belief-O-Matic then provides a list of faiths that are ranked in the order of which ones are the most right for you. From there you can look for houses of worship in your area based on which faiths are ranked the highest on your personal list and check them out. You may have to try more than one houses of worship until you find the one that you are most comfortable with and that's okay.
Join a service organization. If religion is really not your thing, that's alright. There are plenty of secular service organizations that are focused on doing good deeds for the local community in your area and it provides a great opportunity for people to meet each other and form new friendships. Some examples of service organizations include Kiwanis, Rotary International, Loyal Order of Moose, Lions Club International, and The National Grange. Just do a Google search on “service organizations near me” (without using the quotation marks) and see what's available in your area.
Find clubs in your local newspaper or public library. There are plenty of local clubs or groups that range from anime clubs that binge-watch Japanese animation once a month to gardening clubs. If you are fortunate enough to live in an area that still has a local newspaper that hasn't been bought up by a giant corporation, you can look through the classified section to see what clubs or groups are out there. The public library is another source. Frequently these groups may put fliers on the library bulletin board announcing an upcoming meeting or event. Sometimes the public library might host events, such as a knitting circle or an opportunity to practice speaking a foreign language.
Find local clubs on Facebook or Nextdoor. While Facebook and Nextdoor have their issues, these two social media sites are still among the best at being a place where one can find information about a local club along with when and where they plan to hold their next meeting.
Meetup.com. Meetup is the one that pioneered the idea of people going online to find others just like them in their area then logging off to meet those people in real life. Meetup has a list of groups in your area based on a variety of different interests such as bowling, photohraphy, collecting toy trains, practicing a foreign language, watching movies in a certain genre, and more. All you have to do is type what you are interested in along with your zip code and Meetup will churn out a list of groups that might be for you. From there all you have to do is just show up in person. You can access Meetup either through a browser or a mobile app.
Other Self-Care Sunday Tips
My blog is free to subscribe but if you want to make a comment, you’ll need to take out a paid subscription. Click on the button below for more details.